Interview With The Devil
(part I)

Q: So, Mister. ... ah ... what should I call you?
A: Oh, I have many names. I prefer Lord and Master but you can just call me Satan. That one is pretty popular these days.

Q: Okay Satan, as you said, your popularity seems to be on the rise. What do you attribute that to.
A: I think people are beginning to see beyond all the bad press. I'm really not a bad guy.

Q: But aren't you known as "the father of all lies"?
A: I take offense to that. I am not one who lies. I can not help if I am often misunderstood. I try to speak on a level mortals can understand, but you are very limited. I even often quote scripture, for clarity. I challenge you to show one example of my, so called, lying.

Q: I'm not sure if I want to go there; You must admit, however, that most of your followers tend to be evil.
A: Again not true. Many upstanding people are among my 'followers'. You would be suprised if you knew who my true followers were. They might be some of your best friends. This 'evil' thing is way over rated. Is it evil to give people what they want?

Q: What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?
A: You might expect me to say the A bomb or computers. I like the techno stuff okay, but give me a good bait and switch every time. So I would have to say religion.

Q: I'm not sure I understand. Religion? Is that not your chief foe?
A: Oh no! I love it. "Give me that old time religion" it's great. So much you can do with it. It's so intricate, better than politics.

Q: How so?
A: First you have all the factions, HUNDREDS! Forget liberal and conservative. You have Hindus hating Muslims, Muslims hating Jews, and Christians... they even hate each other. So much intrigue.

Q: But isn't Christianity based on Love?
A: Well, yes. But that's the beauty of it. When religion is involved, theology is just a tool. I'm not talking about those 'lambs' who actually follow the teachings of Christ. There's not enough of them to worry about. We are talking RELIGION. You know "my god's bigger than your god". Oh, and the really devout ones are the best. They beat up on the Saints more than I ever could. And they are sooo easy to manipulate. Just whisper in their ear " hey, he is 'of the devil'" and bam... you have HOLY WAR. My favorite pastime.

Q: What is your favorite period of history, and why?
A: Well, I like to live in the present, but if I had to choose a period from my long career as The Devil, I would say the Crusades, or perhaps the Inquisition. There were some good times back then. Talk about HOLY WAR! We all had fun through that. But as I say. There is no time like the present. And the future looks even brighter.

Q: So, what are your future plans?
A: That would be telling. You'll just have to wait and see. I can say it will be more of the same. Brother against brother, wars and rumors of war. Just alot of good clean fun.

Q: You consider war good clean fun?
A: Not as much as some old fasioned religious persecution, but a little carnage does get the blood flowing. Excuse the pun. But come on. You mortals take this stuff too serious. So a few people die. There are too many now! You talk about over population, then go feed the starving. What does a little famine hurt? Give me a break. You are the ones who wanted the knowledge of good and evil. You have to take the bad with the good. Who would know the Saints, if you didn't have sinners? You call me evil, but you call anything you don't like evil. That is what makes you so easy to manipulate. It is so easy to turn you against each other. I'm not your enemy, You are your enemy. I just make suggestions. Rather good ones I think. And I do have to give you mortals credit for being fast learners. You even suprise me at times.

Q: How do you mean?
A: In some ways the student has surpassed the teacher. The human mind has, at times, a malicious capacity even beyond my own. You can come up with ways to hurt each other that I haven't even dreamed of. Back in the beginning I actually thought simple murder was a radical concept, and look at all the ways you have improved on that. Humanity has made me proud. You may even replace me someday as THE DEVIL. Then I can just sit back and enjoy the show.

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