Interview
With The Devil
(part
II)
Q:
So, Mr. Satan, we can see from the first part of this interview
how you enjoy stirring trouble within religion. How about
politics? What have you been able to accomplish there?
A: Just plain Satan is fine. That is my title as well as a name.
I love politics. Talk about smoke and mirrors. My kind of people.
You know I invented the concept of the ends justifing the means?
Q:
No, I was not aware of that. I must say it does fit you rather
well.
A: Thank you, I take that as a compliment. As I was saying,
Politics is all about self promotion. Most of these people are
first and foremost self consumed. They think they know what is
best for everyone and aren't shy about doing whatever it takes to
bring about their 'agenda'.
Q:
How can you manipulate people who just want things their own way.
A: Just like religion, draw the battle lines. Conservative and
liberal have worked out quite well. If you want some one to do
something, just convince him that his opponent doesn't want it
done.
Q:
How about an example?
A: Sure, look at charity, yuk, i even hate the word. That is a
good conservative/christian ideal, right?
Q:
Yes it is, very central to Jesus' teachings.
A: You didn't have to bring HIM into it, but ok. Look at
politics. All social programs, charity, are championed by
Liberals and therefore conservatives oppose them. Even though it
is a core conservative concept. As in religion, theology, or in
this case ideology, are only tools, means to an end. Humans can
be so shallow.
Q:
You seem to use the technique of divide and conquer quite often.
A: Hey it works. Sometimes tried and true methods are the best.
I've got no problem beating a dead horse as long as it still
jerks.
Q:
Have you had to come up with new techniques in the modern age?
A: Yes and no. Most of it is the same old stuff, just modernized
a little to keep it interesting. I have pulled a few new tricks
out in the last few years, but I'm saving the best for later.
Q:
How do you mean 'modernized'?
A: Take the 'old religions' for example. You know the ones that
caused so much trouble in the ancient world. They have been
revived, stronger than ever. Just new window dressing. And 'good
christian people' fall all over them. Remember old Bacchus, one
of my favorite henchmen, the 'god of pleasure'. He has more
adherents now than ever. His temples are the Clubs, Bars, and
Pubs around the world. And my lovely Astarte, 'goddess of sexual
pleasure', she has never been better. Then you have your thing
with sports, I thought the Greeks and Romans had done all that
could be done with that, but you people are obsessed. If
Christians spent as much time and money on 'saving the world' as
they do on sports and their, I love this, 'Personal Fitness', I
would be out of bussiness.
Q:
What are the 'new tricks' you spoke of?
A: Well, you may not think of them as 'new', your lifespan is so
short, but I had to come up with some new ideas after that set
back with the Nazareen awhile back.
Q: I
assume being cast out of Heaven made things a bit more difficult
for you as well.
A: Now wait a minute, I was not 'cast out' of anywhere! I am here
of my own free will. Heaven was getting real boring. Everyone
throwing crowns at that Nazareen. My friends are here, among you
mortals. I have put alot of effort into training you. You are
sort of like my children.
Q:
So, what 'new tricks' are you saving for the future?
A: If I tell you, I'm gonna have to kill you. Just kidding. But
it would spoil the surprise.