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Three Days Grace : Never Too Late

Why did you leave us so soon? What made you so desperate that death was the only answer? The passion of youth makes us forget tomorrow, next year, a decade from now, so that the momentary becomes everything. Age gives perspective, we see things as more transitory. Time marches on, tomorrow is a new day, with each wound we survive making us stronger from the next.

Death is such a final answer. There are no more tomorrows, no new dawns bringing new hope. But for the young tomorrow is a life time away. Today is everything. Telling a teenager things will be better in a few more years is like asking an adult to suffer decades of torment. They see the now and have no faith, or patience, to hope for a better tomorrow. And they have passions untempered by age. They suffer life's ups an downs to the fullest.

Depression is an insidious black cloud that robs us of all hope. There is no logic, no reason, only pain. Deep emotional pain that can't be stitched up or bandaged. Even adults caught in its clutches lose perspective, hope, and just want it to end. Death is the ultimate end: escape. Making it all just go away. Death can be seductive, alluring. A final answer. But the cost is too high. No more tomorrows, no more chances, so many joys and triumphs that will never be known.

I suffer depression myself, I have my whole life. Not bad moods or bad days, but deep dark pits where death seems to be the only exit. At times I have thought of ending it, embracing that dark mistress death. But to me, that is quiting, giving up, and I'm too obstinate for that. I have no fear of death, and will gladly embrace her when she comes, but it will never be by my own hand. That would be giving in to the darkness and I will fight it to the bitter end. But I can understand those who do. I can feel their pain and their hopelessness.

Every day we must find a reason to live, to continue enduring this world of pain. For some it is easy, for others... We hold onto whatever we can. Some lose hold and can not go on. Those who do not suffer depression can not understand what drives someone to take their own life, yet to someone lost in the darkness, where there is nothing but pain, it is hard to understand how others go on living.

Suicide is hardest on the families and friends, left with questions that can never be answered. Is there something we did wrong? Is there something we should have done? Why? That is the biggie; “Why?” And when it is a teenager the guilt and the questions are even bigger. “He had his whole life ahead of him,” is a common response, but when you are caught in that dark pit of despair looking forward to decades and decades of suffering is more incentive than deterrent.

Young people live life with gusto. The candle burning at both ends and in the middle. Everything is magnified and accelerated, joys and pains. The highs are higher, and the lows lower, and they can switch in an instant. 15-25 is the most dangerous and exciting time of our lives, both physically and emotionally. When a young person falls in love it is “forever” and when they fall into depression they feel like that is forever too. They have yet to realize that nothing is forever.

There are ways to embrace the darkness, accept life for what it is. The 'Emo' and 'Goth' cultures are examples of this. Yes they can be unhealthy and encourage depression, but more often it is therapeutic. The only danger in the 'emo'/'goth' cultures is that their over emphasis of the dark aspects of life may cause them to lose sight of the joy. Those who express their emotions are far less likely to fall victim to them. It is more common for someone who suppresses their pain and tries to hide their depression from themselves and others that are consumed by it. The 'life of the party' is often hiding deep emotional pain.

There is often a big difference, psychologically , between those who threaten or attempt suicide and those who actually commit suicide. In most cases those who threaten or attempt suicide are actually crying out for help. They don't really want to die, they just want the pain to go away. It is true that sometimes “attempts” are tragically successful and also that if the threat or attempt doesn't bring the help needed it is more likely that in the future they will follow through. But generally those who cry for help can be helped.

The other group is much harder to reach because they give no warning. They have made their decision and act on it in a way that is most often successful. The only warning is often a state of peaceful calm. Those concerned about them may think it is a hopeful sign, that they are coming out of their depression, yet too often it is because they have resigned themselves to end it all. With their decision comes a type of catharsis and peace. They see a light at the end of the tunnel, but that light is death. At that point it is hard for anyone to reach them, they have shut off their emotions and resigned themselves to what they see as inevitable.

Those who talk about death, how depressed they are, how terrible life is, are looking for answers and support. They want someone to reach out a hand and help them deal with the pain they feel. They are dealing and coping by embracing what they feel. This is actually very healthy, if they get the support and help they need. If, on the other hand, they are told to 'buck up' and 'get over it' then they may begin to suppress and that is dangerous.

Suicide is always a great tragedy, even more so when it is a young person. The loss of life is obvious, but the pain to those left behind endures. Often one death can lead to others within a family, or group of friends, as the survivors find themselves filled with grief and guilt and all the what ifs. We deal with tragedy everyday, accidents, disease, but suicide seems so pointless and preventable. Often regret and grief are too much and friends and family are drawn into that dark pit of depression themselves.

Death is never the answer. There are always options, possibilities, and hope. We survive day to day and sometimes that's all there is, sheer tenacity to survive. In our darkest hour we just have to stand, too bull headed to fall down. We mourn those who could no longer endure, and reach out to those looking for something to hold on to.

Note: I originally had another video linked to this article but decided the one posted above was more appropriate. The other video, by Papa Roach, contains graphic language and is pretty intense. If you would like to see the original one click HERE.